Scott Pilgrim Vs The Road
by Awinnerwasyou
Summary: Scott takes a driving lesson, only to make himself a target for a notorious gang of drivers who believe they own the road. Scott must now beat each one in a series of driving challenges if he wants to escape from them!


**This is a new project I thought up after I watched Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World at the cinema. The idea of this was pretty simple- what if Scott took driving lessons? From that, I began to think up ideas for this fanfic, and this is the result. Or at least the first chapter of the result, anyway. I feel this chapter is a little scrappy, but I hope I've captured some of the offbeat humour of the graphic novels and the movie. Oh yes, do expect a lot of references to video games- in particular driving games. In case some people don't get all of them, I'll be adding reference notes at the end of each chapter. So, I hope you enjoy my latest work!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Scott Pilgrim. **

Chapter 1- ROOOOOOLINGGGG STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRT!

**A Driving School.**

**Fun fact: It's a driving school.**

Joe Bloggs **(Driving Instructor. Age:48. Occupation: Driving instructor. Fun fact: he only appears in this chapter!) **glanced at his wristwatch. It was the start of yet another day of giving driving exams, and as far as he was concerned, it was going to be another dull one. Every day was always the same. Get in the car, introduce himself to the person taking the exam, observe as said person drove around the place, and then tell him/her that he/she has failed. Maybe tell him/her that he/she passed if he was feeling generous. Which wasn't very often. Just the same old boring routine. Why did he even want to be a driving instructor in the first place? Does anyone even care about all this? Thought not, so let's move on. So, Mr. Bloggs knew that today was going to be another boring one, but he still had a job to do. Taking a deep breath, he entered the car for the first exam of the day.

"Good morning, my name is Joe Bloggs, and I'm your instructor today." he said to the examinee who was sitting in the driver's seat. "Is this your first time taking the exam, Mr… Pilgrim?"

"Bloggs? Wow, I didn't think anyone really had that name." said said examinee, Scott Pilgrim **(Protagonist**. **Age: 24. Occupation: World's greatest prep chef (His words, not mine). Chances of passing this exam: -73%. Fun fact: His most recent exploits were made into a major Hollywood movie! What? You already knew that? Oh.)**,who was itching to start.

"So, are we ready? I'm itching to start!"

"You didn't answer my question, Mr. Pilgrim. I asked if this is your first time taking this exam."

"No. I also did that written exam. I flunked. Badly."

"Not what I meant. I meant if this is the first time you've taken the main driving test. And I must say, what you just said doesn't fill me with much confidence in you…"

"Oh, okay. Yeah, this is the first time I've done this part. I should be okay though, I've spent the last few months playing Gran Turismo, and I'm pretty good at it. I don't crash anywhere near as much as I used to when I started playing it."

"Dare I ask how many times that was?"

"Oh, all the time. Like, every second or so. Nowadays, I can get through each course with only about six or seven crashes…"

"I hate to break it to you Mr. Pilgrim, but there is a firm difference between driving in a video game and driving in real life. And if you can't even play a game without crashing a lot, then god help us all if you ever do get a licence for real. Perhaps we should get started, and see just how badly you're going to fail. Now, start the engine, if you may."

Scott racked up his brains a little, trying to remember how he was supposed to start the engine again. Unfortunately, all he could think of was a flashback from a few weeks ago which was only about why he wanted to learn to drive in the first place… Cue flashback!

…...

**Stephen Still's Apartment (A Few Weeks Ago)**

**Fun Fact: One of Scott's more regular hangouts. **

"So… You're serious about wanting to get a driver's licence?"

Stephen Stills **(Former bandmate. Age: 24. Occupation: By day, Head chef at The Happy Avocado. By night, member of a band which Scott still can't the remember the name of. Fun fact: He is gay. Funner fact: Seriously. He really is gay!) **glanced over at Scott, still struggling to comprehend the words "learning, Scott, driving and to" in the same sentence, though not necessarily in that order.

"Yes, I'm serious!" replied Scott, who was sipping into his mug of coffee, though not while he was talking, obviously. Otherwise he actually would have said "Blubbububub blub!".

"Is there no scarier thought than Scott having a driver's licence? He'd end up laying all of Toronto to waste in hours…" said Kim Pine **(Scott's bandmate. Age: 24. Occupation: Is she still working at that video store? Fun Fact: She plays drums.), **in her usual supportive way. That is to say, not at all supportive.

"Oh ye of little faith." said Scott, convinced that he really could be a great driver.

"Uh huh. And why exactly do you even want to drive in the first place? You never wanted to before." said Stills. "Was it something Ramona talked you into?"

"No, of course not." replied Scott. "She kinda thought it was a bad idea too. But I felt that since I'm 24 years old now, I think it's about time I learned. It's like, a rites of passage thing."

"You just want to learn because Stacey just got her driver's licence, and you're embarrassed about it because she's younger than you, aren't you?" said Kim.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." said Scott. Translation: That's exactly the reason he's learning to drive.

"Hey, I know you guys don't think I can pass the exam, but I've been training hard for this!"

"How? By playing Outrun all the time?" said Julie Powers **(Professional bitch. Age: 23. Occupation: Seems to change every day. Fun Fact: It's because of her that Stills turned gay. At least, that's what Scott believes. And he's most likely wrong.)**, who was standing near Kim, doing not particularly much.

"No!" said Scott. "Gran Turismo, actually." Quickly realising something, Scott turned to Stills.

"Um… What's Julie doing here?" Scott asked.

"I dunno. She's just here." replied Stills, looking over at "Young" Neil Nordegraf **(The other guy. Age: No one could be bothered to remember. Occupation: No one could be bothered to find out. Fun Fact: He doesn't do much.), **who looked like he was about to say something.

"I think you can pass, Scott." said Neil, looking slightly blank.

"Thank you!" said Scott. "At least someone trusts me!"

"What are you doing again?" asked Neil, still looking slightly blank.

"I'm taking driving lessons."

"OH MY GOD! NO! THAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN!" said Neil, panicking before jumping out of the window in said state of panic.

"Wow." said Kim. "Even Neil knows you'd be a menace on the road…"

"You see, Scott? There's no way you'll ever pass the driving exam. Just give it up. Now!" said Julie, leading Scott to wonder if she had any redeeming points whatsoever. It was then when Scott's cat Gideon **(A cat. Age: ?. Occupation: being a cat. Fun fact: Sometimes follows Scott around, sometimes doesn't. He's following him today, hence why he's at Still's apartment too.) **started rubbing himself on Julie's leg. She looked down at the cute creature and gasped.

" Oh my GOD!" said Julie, with a look on her face that no one had ever seen before. The look of… adoration? "You're so CUTE! Jooo's a cute little kitty? Jooo are! Yes, jooo are!"

Everyone (including Neil, who was peeking through the window he just jumped out of.) looked at Julie petting and baby talking at the cat with exactly the same look on all their faces. A look that said "Wut?" Julie noticed this, and immediately stood up.

"You tell ANYONE about what you just saw, and I'll f****** kill the lot of you! Understand?" she said. Everyone nodded, not really wanting to get on her bad side. She then pulled out her cell phone, pressed a few buttons then spoke into it.

"That especially goes for you, Wallace! Don't tell ANYONE! Or you'll be sorry!"

"Okay, okay. I won't tell anyone. Sheesh, no need to be so bitchy about it…" said Scott's former roommate Wallace Wells **(Profile to come when he makes a proper first appearance in this fanfic!)**, who was speaking on the other side of the phone line. Julie hung up and put her cell phone away.

**Julie has earned the "Secret Animal Lover" Title!**

"Anyway, Driving exam- a lost cause. Forget it. Even if you did pass, you'd still flunk the written exam. You need to pass both to get your licence."

"Yeah, I know tha- wait. What? There's a written exam too?" said Scott.

"You really haven't thought this through, have you?" said Kim, shaking her head disapprovingly. As she did, the whole room started to blur until Scott suddenly found himself back in the car for the driving exam.

…...

**A Driving School.**

**Fun Fact: we're back in the present day!**

"Mr. Pilgrim!"

It was Mr. Bloggs' voice that brought Scott back into the real world.

"Uh… Sorry?"

"Mr. Pilgrim, do you know how to start the engine or not?"

"Ummm…" Scott racked up his brains as a dialogue box popped up in front of his eyes.

**Choose a response:**

**Yeah, just turn the key in the ignition!**

**Uh… I was hoping you'd tell me.**

**Did anyone tell you that you have really beautiful eyes?**

Scott had no idea which response to pick, so he just picked one at random.

"Did anyone tell you that you have really beautiful eyes?" Fail!

"Just turn the key in the ignition and get this over with…" groaned Mr. Bloggs, as his Respect Gauge dropped from 10% to 0%.

**Scott's current Respect Levels:**

**Ramona: 92%**

**Stills: 75%**

**Kim: 72%**

**Neil: 50%**

**Wallace: 79%**

**Stacey: 80%**

**Julie: 4%**

**Gideon The Cat: 100%**

**Mr. Bloggs: 0%**

**Everyone else: 47%**

"Oh, okay, the key. Right." said Scott, turning the key to start the engine. Mr Bloggs had a bad feeling that the next few hours would be the longest of his life…

…...

**The longest few hours of Mr. Bloggs' life later…**

The car came to a very messy stop on a random street corner near a convenience store, banging into the back of a swanky supercar parked nearby. As Scott held onto the steering wheel, clearly pleased with himself, Mr. Bloggs undid his seatbelt and, his hands still shaking, pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the vast amount of sweat from his forehead. He was somewhat less than pleased with Scott.

"So? How'd I do?" said Scott, grinning.

"Mr. Pilgrim, you are by far the worst driver I have ever had the misfortune of teaching. These streets would be much safer without you on the road! I have nothing more to say to you! Goodbye!"

And with that. Mr. Bloggs got out of the car and walked off.

"So… I passed? Did I pass? Hello?" called out Scott, but it was no use. Mr Bloggs was long gone.

**Scott has earned the "World's Worst Driver" Title!**

Scott got out of the car himself, and took a look at the car he just rammed into. Pretty flashy, apart from the fact that the back of it was now a bit more… compact, shall we say. Scott decided it was no big deal and wrote down a note on a piece of paper, which he then placed on the windscreen wiper of the car. That done, he walked off, forgetting he was leaving the car he was driving for the exam behind. No sooner had he turned the corner, the owner of the supercar came out of the store, and saw the damage.

"What the hell? Who did this?"

It wasn't long before he noticed the note on the wipers.

**Dear owner of this car.**

**Sorry, I kind of rammed into the back of your car by accident. I'm sure it'll buff out though, so don't worry about it. **

**Thanks for understanding!**

**Scott Pilgrim**

The owner was pretty livid after reading this. Not only had this Scott Pilgrim guy wrecked the back of his beloved car, but he even had the nerve to say it'd buff out! There was no way damage like that could EVER buff out! Furious, the man pulled out his cell phone and called a number.

"Hey, it's me. My car's totalled. Yeah, by some guy named Scott Pilgrim. Can you dig up some info on him? Hmmm… Interesting… Very interesting… Well, he picked a fight against us by wrecking my car, so let's teach him not to mess with us! Meet me tonight. He'll rue the day he ever messed with- THE LORDS OF TECHNO! Oh, it is not the most inappropriate name for a driving gang ever!"

Uh oh, looks like Scott's gotten himself into big trouble again…

…...

**Reference notes**

**The title of this chapter is from the opening of "The King Of Speed", a famous music track from the popular racing game Daytona USA.**

**Gran Turismo, of course, is known for it's realism, hence why Scott played it to prepare for his exam.**

**Both Scott and Julie earn titles like in Namco's Tales series of RPGs. This will be a running joke throughout this fanfic, so look out for more!**

**Scott's choice of dialogue when he is asked if he knows how to start the engine is akin to visual novel games (i.e. Fate/Stay Night, Shuffle, Clannad, etc.). These kinds of games have very little actual gameplay, and consist mainly of choosing responses- the outcome of events changing depending on which response you pick. **

**Lords Of Techno is a music track from the driving game Ridge Racer Revolution, so the name of the gang is more driving related than you may think!**


End file.
